A garden is a product of time
To that I say
Worms are History
And I've been split in half
As a child I was Marigolds
I am Marigolds still
Born of the seeds left behind
Year by Year a new generation
the same weeds
different weeds
the same sun
different days
Wondering
If I will ever stop needing water
What business does a Marigold have
Wondering
If it will ever become a Rose
maybe I'm space junk
sad pictures of worthless objects
orbiting in a galaxy of stars
today my anger is a plastic water bottle
victim to science
and the endless vacuum of space
I didn't go to work today
because my science forgot to make the motivation chemical
there is electricity in my brain
I have neurons and I don't know what that means
my depression
is a water bottle in space
what a journey it is
to be human
2 a.m.
always buzzes and burns
I wish it was Christmas
I wish I was small
I wish my problems were bead collections
reading books by lamplight
I wish my mama peeked in my room periodically still
I wish I was scared of the toilet
instead
I am 23
everything is scarier at 23
the dark never gets brighter because you get older
bandaids don't appear when you need them
adults talk to me now
like I don't need protecting
I would have fought for that at 15
at 13
I had grown up too fast
trauma opening doors to maturity
at 23 I'm stuck at age 12
reliving the worst days of my life every fall
and my mama
no longer peeks her head through my door
