there was a time when I didn't eat
when I counted the minutes between calories
fed myself on the relief of deception
I've never remembered so keenly
anything like I do those few remembered meals
the white rice still sticks in my mouth
the tang of barbecue on my tongue decision's ghost
cold peas bursting between noodle and sauce
my life's victory a caramel
a caramel I never ate
how sick am I
that tonight I long for that hunger?
