Tuesday, April 9, 2019

multiverse maddy

according to the multiverse theory
there are places I've never seen never breathed
people I've met; never seen
worlds that I might be,
worlds I already have

a time in which I've died every day of every year
glancing over moments a thousand times over
counting seconds to minutes long passed

how does the universe handle me multiplied to infinity?
has she collapsed cracked bent beneath my million dreams?
run out of stars from wishes I send on blown away kisses?
does she stretch at the seams? stitch my heart on her sleeves?

another day another way another chance for me to be made anew
used, same lines over and under
looping on the script of my predictable lives
lies, I'll do it someday I swear I say
have I done it in world #2?

you would think with all my tries that I would have something to prove
lose, did I ever manage to hold on?
have my goodbyes replaced the meat on my bones?
am I the same person without my mistakes?

raise the stakes, heaven's gates have closed
worlds have grown heavy with the weight of my soul
lost, to the ravages of time
I've burned and lost count of the embers at my toes

are the scales ever balanced between the avenues of my potential?
am I ever good or evil or merely inconsequential?
be gentle, I plead, there are roses on the thorns embedded in my knees

please, smile and pretend with me
that the cities in my dreams are more than make believe
that I've achieved more than just one moment to be proud of
that bones are not all that I contain within
that fruitless tales are far from all my hands have wrought - brought, gifted, bestowed
my ribs have finally closed over the heart I begged them to free

but maybe it's just me

longing to be more than a girl in one world

painting closed doors over walls

telling myself that the one that opens is where I belong